Roller Coaster...

Well this weekend has been just that- a roller coaster of emotions. It all still feels like it must have been a dream, it couldn't have happened to us.

Friday morning I wake up to my alarm to get ready for work, I go to the bathroom and my pants felt wet, what the heck?! My first thought- did I pee my pants?? And that's when I see the wetness is tinged read, I sit on the toilet and a stream of blood comes out. I freak and start yelling for Nick, he runs in and knew instantly what was happening. We just sat in each other's arms and cried, couldn't even believe this was actually happening to us. We do everything right to make sure this baby was healthy, why would this be happening. I get up and check the bed, there was a blood spot the size of a CD right where I was laying, we knew there couldn't be a chance this could be saved.

I called the on call Dr since it was only 6:30 am at this point and she sent me to the ER. I called my parents and they came over to watch Hannah for us while we made that dreaded trip to the ER to see what we already knew was happening.

As we were checking in at registration the nurse that would be taking my vitals- was very visibly pregnant and of course I break down again. I know she felt so bad and just didn't have anything to say, because what can you say in this situation? Nothing would make it better. While waiting I give a urine sample, and I thought it was weird that no blood was coming out, but didn't give it much thought. I also thought it was weird that this whole time I have not been having any cramping, isn't that another big sign of what we thought was happening?

I give my sample, we get a bed, and wait around for while. The Dr comes in and explains everything that will happen that morning and then we wait some more. The waiting was the worst part, we didn't really know what to do with ourselves. The phlebotomist comes in to collect my blood. Then sometime later our nurse brings us to another room to wait for the ultrasound tech to get us. I told Nick that this was the first time that I was just NOT looking forward to an ultrasound and that made me so sad since ultrasounds during this time are supposed to be so much fun.

Finally the ultrasound tech brought us to another room and had me lay on the bed so he could do the abdominal US. As he's pushing the probe across my belly I ask him "Do you see anything?" and although I know the tech's are not allowed to say anything he turns the screen towards me and says "There's your little peanut". Wait, WHAT?! I thought, why on Earth would he even show me unless there was a glimmer of hope?! He turns the screen back to himself and continues his measurements, and I keep looking over at Nick for any sign of something good but he just kept shrugging his shoulders. Then the tech tells me to go to the bathroom and he will do the vaginal ultrasound after he finds a chaperon. As he leaves, Nick turns to me and says "I saw a heartbeat". OMG are you serious?? What does that mean? We were both more confused than ever.

I go to the bathroom- no blood, get undressed and wait for him to come back, along with him pregnant nurse, blah. Really could he not have found someone else? Anyway, ultrasound starts and he's getting measurements and then I hear nurse say "That's a heartbeat isn't it? Do you see it?" and Nick says "Yeah, I see that". The tech confirms in fact yes there is a heartbeat! I was to scared to move or ask to see so I just kept quiet and let him finish what he needed to do. But as I lay there I had hope that maybe there was still a chance.

Ultrasound is done and we go to the internal waiting room area and wait for what feels like 10 years before the Dr comes to get us. We were so confused, had no idea what was going on, should we be excited there was a heartbeat? Was the heartbeat even good? And finally the Dr brought us into a room to say that "You are still pregnant, there was a nice normal heartbeat, your lab levels all look good, your measuring at 7 weeks along (which I was almost 8 at that point so that made me worried), and we would consider this a threatened miscarriage". He told us to go home, rest and take it easy for 3 days, don't do anything really, and if you start bleeding to come back. He wasn't able to tell us either way if this would continue to be a viable pregnancy, he said it's good that I'm not bleeding or cramping at the moment but that doesn't mean it can't still happen. Also said to follow-up with my OB the following week.

To say the least we weren't very reassured. The numbers all looked great but all that blood that had been there that morning get popping in our heads. As soon as we get home I call the OB office to get my appointment scheduled, the nurse says she will call back after the Dr goes over all my ER information. The Dr said after looking at my numbers it all appeared to be a normal pregnancy. Really? The heartbeat was 146 bpm, which was good, my lab levels showed me to fall into the 6-8 weeks pregnant category, which I am so that's good. He also said since it all looked good I didn't even need to come in this week and I should just keep my normal appointment I had scheduled with Dr Cueto at the end of the month. Huh? This is all too much for my brain to process. This morning we left the hospital with a threatened miscarriage and now I have a normal pregnancy? The news from the OB was very reassuring, but I was still freaked out. I hate to go to the bathroom because I feel like things will change at any moment.

So I've just been taking it easy all weekend. I don't like the fact that I don't need to be seen until the end of the month. I just don't feel right and I can't relax. I get random twinges of pain, not even sure if it's something I need to worry about or not. But I called the on call Dr on Saturday and told him everything again and that I would feel better if I was seen this week so he said to go ahead and call Monday to schedule an appointment. I'm hoping I'll be able to get an ultrasound when I go in, I feel like I need to see that heartbeat and maybe it'll make me feel more relaxed about everything. I talked to our neighbor who is an L&D nurse and she said if I was miscarrying I would know it and that the bleeding was probably just a freak thing and I will go on to have a normal pregnancy. We've gotten so much reassurance from professionals but I still worry, and I just hope that at some point in this pregnancy I will be able to relax and enjoy everything. We are trying to look at this as a small hiccup in what will be a healthy pregnancy that will lead to a healthy baby. I feel like we were given another chance and it wasn't just taken away from us, we are so blessed and I pray it continues to go well. Any good thoughts sent our way are VERY appreciated. Now let's hope ths roller coaster evens out and starts to become fun again.